Our Side Of The Mirror
by Kryssa
Summary: Riyu never let anyone close to her, but when young Ryuuen comes to the Center they find a kindred and healing spirit in each other. Connected to my story Between Seishi and Gods, so you may want to read that before this.


Disclaimer: I disclaim FY as my own. I can even disclaim Riyu as my own. ::sniffs:: I own nothing… _nothing_…

Notes: **'Telepathy' is bold**, _thoughts are italics_, and empathy (which is the reading of emotions, not thoughts) is written as _'italics in single quotes'_. When a person doesn't know a Seishi's name, they'll call them "Seishi-san" or "Seishi-sama". I also have _no_ idea how big a panda bear is when it's 3 years old, so please forgive my mistakes.

Go here to see what a gyrfalcon looks like: http://www.golden-eagle.org/gyrc3.htm

This is a cute little side-story my muse attacked me with, taking place three years before Between Seishi and Gods and has **nothing** to do with the current plot. I just thought everyone would like a little peek into Ryuuen's past. If he seems a little OOC, it's because his experiences are a bit different from the Nuriko of canon FY.

This story is a gift for Ryuen whose character inspired this. ::grins shyly and waves:: Hope ya like.

__

Our Side Of The Mirror

Morning wasn't her favorite time of day. Generally, she believed the best way to enjoy the dawn was to sleep through it. However, seeing as how she was _this_ close to earning her own sword and a rank among Warriors, Kaito Riyu felt it more than necessary to get as much training in as possible.

Which was why she was in the middle of the very empty courtyard at 6 in the morning, practicing her _kata_ with only Oushi to look on and spot her mistakes. There were the few guards and wandering Warrior trainees pulling Watch, but they paid her as much attention as they did the torches flickering on the walls, which suited Riyu just fine.

She had quickly fallen into the natural motions of swordplay, flowing from one position to the other without so much as a second thought. Her body adapted to the trials she was putting herself through quite nicely, creating an ember of comfort in her chest. Thankfully, her boy-cut hairstyle was short enough that she didn't have to worry about becoming blinded by bangs or distracted by the slap of sweat-drenched hair on her neck. The sword in her hand, one of the Center's that she was allowed to borrow, felt pretty darn good- the weight didn't hurt her wrist and she could make it sing through the wind as if she'd been born with it.

****

'How am I doing?'

'Quite well, considering daybreak is at least 10 minutes away and you hate not being able to see what you're doing. I'm proud of you.'

__

Actually, I could get used to this, Riyu admitted. _I kind of like the silence. And the fact that no one's around to judge me makes it more bearable…_ her thoughts suddenly became dark and irritated.

****

'Ri! Pay attention!' Oushi said sharply. **' Your form went off there. You know you have a hard time using a sword and tapping your talent at the same time.'**

'Didn't mean it that time,' she replied tightly. The problem with having a gyrfalcon for a _ketsu_ was that he could see everything she did right, and everything she did wrong. Normally she didn't mind when he helped spot her, but this time the reminder just grated on her nerves. It bothered her so much- not only the warning but the primary distracting thought- that she couldn't even finish her _kata_ correctly.

****

'Damn it all to the seven hells!' she snarled, shoving the blade into it's sheath with a loud '**_clang_**'.

But then she closed her eyes and counted out long, even breaths, trying to regain some level of patience. _I can't believe I just did that, losing my concentration like a child! I know this routine. I know it like the back of my hand. What the hell is wrong with me???_

****

'You're too tense, first off,' the falcon answered sagely. **'Too worried about your upcoming exam.'**

"Well then I'm going to be like this for the next week or so," she snapped. "Shi, I know you're trying to help, but it's not working!"

****

'I also think you need a friend.'

Riyu turned to him, but when she saw he was coming down from the tree, she stretched out her arm reflexively as a place for him to perch. **'What do you mean, I need a friend? I'm not exactly here to buddy-buddy with people, you know.'**

Oushi landed lightly, his talons scratching her skin through the thick sleeve of her shirt. **'I know that, but I also know you haven't gotten close to anyone since we left. I simply don't think it's healthy for you to be so distant from the rest of the community here, students and teachers included.'**

She looked Oushi straight in his onyx-colored eyes. **'Shi… you know I can't get close to people. Boys don't want to talk to me, girls have no idea what to do around me… it just doesn't work,' **she 'spoke softly, almost bitterly. **'I mean, I don't have a problem being a boy, but I have a problem when I can't be _me_.'**

The falcon rubbed his feathered head against her cheek, letting that simple action speak more than words could. Riyu brought her hand up and smoothed his feathers, the motion soothing both bird and human.

They stood like that for a good five minutes before Riyu resigned herself to more practice. "Sorry to kick you off my arm, Shi, but it's kind of hard to swing a sword around without throwing or hitting you."

****

'Then I'll let you get back to your routine, if only to help you relax,' he nipped her ear before taking off. But before she could even unsheathe her sword, Oushi spoke again. **'Hold up, beloved. We've got company by the gates.'**

Turning towards the open archway, Riyu confirmed her _ketsu_'s warning when she saw two horseback riders stopped by the sentries. Unsure of what to do, she stood there in surprised interest. She could go over there and greet the arrivals, but that's what the Royal Guard was there for. She didn't want to run inside the Center and make it look like she was guilty of something, but she sure didn't want to just stand there.

Finally deciding that she may as well see who else was crazy enough to come this time of morning, Riyu waltzed on over to the opening gates. She saw the one of the riders send a bat off into the sky and the other looked behind him or herself. Following the two was what looked like a white and black furball, but on closer inspection she saw it was a young panda bear.

__

Seishi! Her mind lit up with the realization and her feet moved faster to catch a glimpse of the newcomers. The apparent elder of the riders had waved to the guards and sent them back to their posts but upon seeing her his face lit up in a grin.

"Good morning, Seishi-san," he called out, bringing the horse closer with the rising sun silhouetting his figure. "What brings you out this early?"

"Good morning, Seishi-sama," she answered, bowing to both of them. "I've been practicing for my initiation and sword-giving ceremony. Do you need some assistance?"

He looked to her, then back at his companion. "Actually, I think we do. Would you mind helping us or do you want to continue your practicing?"

"I'd be honored to help you and… your friend," Riyu said diplomatically, not quite sure what to call the other rider. Was she- definitely a she by the long hair and pretty eyes- a Seishi too? Or perhaps a visiting noble or merchant's daughter, evident by the new-looking tunic?

The man dismounted from the horse and introduced himself. "I am Remu Etsuo and this is my friend Chou Ryuuen," he spoke in a gentle voice.

__

Hmmm… sounds like my name, Riyu raised her eyebrow in interest. "Kaito Riyu, at your service."

"Since you offered, I don't suppose you could take Ryuuen and Kohana to Lau-san for recording and entry?"

__

Ah, I was right- a new Seishi. "I can do that, Remu-san. We won't visit Haon-sama yet, but maybe when the sun comes out so will he," she joked. She and Remu-san shared a good laugh, and then Riyu turned her attention to the girl. "Need a hand getting down?"

"Uhm… I think I can do it myself," she said shyly, then swung one leg over the saddle and hopped to the ground in one smooth motion. "Thanks though."

__

Nice… for a girl, Riyu thought appreciatively, noticing her lengthy violet braid and bright tickled-pink eyes. "Where's your _ketsu_?"

"Right here," the younger girl laid open her palm, and the panda came up and nudged it. "Where's yours?"

****

'I'm going to stay out here and nap, Riyu. Take Ryuuen through- I'm sure you'll be fine.'

"Oh, Oushi's flying around," Riyu waved distantly to the sky, replying to his mental touch at the same time. **'See you later today, then.'** "Come on, I best get you inside."

"Bye, Etsuo-san," Ryuuen called back and began to trek through the torch-lit court and hallways with Riyu. "Thank you very much, Riyu-san."

"Don't worry about it. It's my pleasure."

But for Riyu, the walk soon became extremely unpleasant. She really didn't know what to say to this little whip-thin girl and the panda trailing behind. She studied Ryuuen, fascinated at the fact that the girl looked so frail yet could still walk with such purpose. Part of her was wary of saying anything, seeing such a big physical difference between herself and Ryuuen, that they probably had nothing in common. But another, slightly more understanding part of her could feel there was something about the lilac-haired girl that made all of Riyu's protective instincts fly up, that made her want to know everything about Ryuuen.

So it was without warning that her talent for empathy kicked up just before they hit the hallway to the Center and she began to scan the surface of the other's feelings. '_Tired… scared… unsure… right place?… right time?…'_ the heart of Ryuuen rammed chaotically into her head, some of them coherent thoughts, with others so complex and abstract only another empath could understand the sensation of his emotions overriding her own. '_But… no… can't go back… not Kourin the girl… be Ryuuen the boy now…'_

Whatthehell???

"You're a boy?!" Riyu burst out, shocked and unable to stop the words from leaving her mouth. She hadn't been brushing up on control of her empathy skills- too busy worrying about her Warrior trial- and this was the price she was paying.

Immediately she became disturbingly aware of her mistake. Ryuuen stopped in mid-step, turned _his_ eyes, now darkened a deep sanguine, and said, "Yeah… I am…" as another wave of deep-rooted passion hit her.

__

'Hates me now… see it in his eyes… his face… I'm a freak…' the torturous words refused to stop coming and Riyu wished with all her heart that she could cut away her talent, if only for now. The humiliation, the anger, the depression all combined was so different from anything she'd felt before that she didn't know how to _stop_ reaching for it. _'I'm so tired… Kohana said I could change… I could be me… it'll never happen… never…'_

Finally, Riyu knew she had to stop rutting through his feelings for two very good reasons. One was the moral rule she imposed on herself that she'd never read another person unless she had permission, and the other was that she was going lose her mind in his if she didn't. But she did know that one of the few ways she could stop touching her power was to either begin a _kata_ or to start talking like crazy.

__

Brandishing a sword in this case could have some very serious side effects. So…

"I'm a girl you know," she spoke in a rush, trying to appease Ryuuen and not to upset him at the same time. "I don't look or sound like it, but I am. I have three older brothers, a dad, but no mom so I came out of the family acting more like a boy than the rest of the world thinks I should. Sometimes my mouth takes over when I should have more manners, so I'm sorry for saying that the way I did, I didn't mean it in a bad way. I was just a little surprised, I'm really sorry Ryuuen, I'm so sorry for getting you mad at me." She was incredibly thankful to feel the warmth of her character die away, along with the rest of Ryuuen's bruised feelings.

During the whole rant, the boy just looked at her, studying her the same way she had been studying him moments before. When he finally spoke, he asked casually, "You're a Nuriko Seishi too?"

Riyu's head spun at the topic change. "Wh… wha… where did that come from?"

He smiled, pointing to his own forehead. "Your symbol. It was _yanagi_."

As a reflex, Riyu reached up and smacked her forehead with her palm, then realized the utter foolishness of the action. _Duh, Riyu! It's not only my own symbol, but I can't see it with my hand! Not one of my brighter days… _However, despite the temporary bout of idiocy that overrode her thoughts, she was incredibly thankful to hear a bit of laughter escape Ryuuen's throat. "So… you're a Nuriko too?"

"Yeah," he shrugged easily. "Kinda neat we're both Nuriko Seishi. Coincidence, I guess."

"Maybe," Riyu mused aloud. "But we better get moving along." She looked behind her, noticing that while they weren't in the courtyard they were still a few minutes away from Lau-san's room. "Lots of stuff to tell you about." The duo began walking a bit slower than before, but this time Riyu was comfortable enough to start talking up a red storm, so she didn't even notice where she was going half the time.

It turned out that Ryuuen, despite being almost six inches shorter than her 5'5", was actually only a year younger than her 16 years. He came from a rather small family that lived in the capital, but had decided to leave and dorm in the Center for reasons that would most likely forever remain his own. She also learned that Kohana was actually a very chatty _ketsu_, but at the moment she was a bit too overwhelmed to do much more than walk a straight line.

__

Makes it easier for me to talk to Ryuuen without interruption… even though mindspeaking isn't really interrupting… 

They chatted more about their _ketsu_ and bonding experience, their Seishi gifts, and some of the more personal things.

"So no one knows you're a girl?" Ryuuen's mouth dropped.

"Nope," Riyu answered. "It doesn't bother me, actually. Basically, being a man just makes life easier for me. I just want to do my duty as a Seishi, fight the bad guys, protect the weak, and _not_ get hassled because I'm a girl. If I have to look and act like one, then by Suzaku that's what I'm going to do!"

"But what about the Center? Don't they need to know?"

"Since they think I'm a boy, I have a room in the boys' dormitory. If I tell them now that I'm a girl, there's gonna be some problems."

"Wow… I don't know whether to call you brave or stupid."

Riyu snorted with mirth. "Neither. I'm just me, whether anyone else wants to believe it or not." Suddenly she saw Ryuuen's posture stiffen at that final phrase and knew something wasn't right. "Hey, what's wrong?"

He didn't answer at first; he just started playing with his braid and walking with his head down.

So Kohana began to speak instead. **'It's rather personal,'** she told Riyu, and knew that the panda was speaking to her alone. **'If you wanted to, you could find out more through your rather invasive technique, but I think it might be best if you waited for him to speak.'**

Riyu felt her cheeks flush an angry scarlet, not only because of Kohana's rude comment, but also because she was far too aware of how quickly it could happen if she didn't try to discipline herself. **'Fine. I can do that.'**

So they walked the rest of the way in silence, with Ryuuen scratching Kohana's neck and Riyu watching the two of them without being too obvious. _I like him, more than most of the students here,_ her mind wandered onto the subject. _He's a nice kid. And he's actually got a sense of humor, thank all the gods! Maybe he's just shy right now, and once he starts warming up to this place he'll talk a little more._

But I wonder why he got so quiet just now. I didn't make a comment about him looking like a girl. I know that makes him upset, not like any boy wouldn't be… her mouth turned up in a dry smile._ But I remember something about a girl. Wonder if she's got something to do with it._

"Here we are; the Cardinal Judge's room," Riyu broke the glass-like silence, forcing a bit of cheer into her voice. They stopped in front of a wooden door and she knocked twice.

"Come in."

She turned to Ryuuen and gave him a reassuring grin. "Don't worry- she won't bite. I'll make sure of that."

"Thanks," he spoke wryly, following Riyu inside the doors.

A woman with short hazel-colored hair was sitting at the desk, writing slowly and talking animatedly to the spotted cat sitting by her hand. She was young, only 25, but Riyu knew only good things of which to say about this quite capable Judge despite her lack of years. "Good morning, Machi-san, Umeno-_ketsu_."

The Seishi pair looked up and the woman's face broke into a smile that quickly reached her eyes. "Ah, Riyu! So good to see you again. How's everything going? Oushi adjusted well to the new diet?"

"Oh we're fine," Riyu informed the amiable Judge. "I'm bringing in a new Seishi for you to write down and get all set up in." She sidestepped gracefully and gave Machi-san a full view of a very quiet Ryuuen. "This is Chou Ryuuen and _his_" she emphasized very subtly (or what she hoped was subtle) "_ketsu_ Kohana."

If the other noticed the accent, she didn't give away any indication of having heard it. She simply stood up and came around the desk to greet them. "It's wonderful to meet you, Ryuuen, Kohana-_ketsu_," she said warmly, sounding genuinely glad to welcome them. "I'm Ea Machi, Mitsukake Judge, but please call me Machi-san. And my _ketsu_ Umeno is on the desk."

The two aforementioned shared a quick telepathic conversation before Umeno said, **'It was nice to meet you, Kohana and Ryuuen, but I best leave now. Tatsuko-san has need of me,'** and the trio returned the well wishing as Umeno left the room and Machi went back to the subject.

"I'm one of the few people that fill in for Miruka-san when she's unavailable, who you may or may not know is the Cardinal Judge. But feel free to come to me if you would like some help coping with your new responsibilities and caring for your _ketsu_."

"Thank you Machi-san," Ryuuen bowed politely. "But Kohana and I have been bonded for a year, and I think we're pretty well acquainted."

"Marvelous!" she clapped her hands together. "Let's get you started now, shall we?" Ryuuen agreed instantly, following her to the desk.

__

Good thing it was Machi-san and not Lau-san, or I bet he'd be quiet as a mouse, and twice as timid, Riyu thought, her stomach feeling heavy from some unknown reason. _I hope he likes it here._

They went through the usual separations, where she tested him for a symbol, his ability, and put him into the necessary classes. "Do you have an idea about what you want to be?" Machi asked.

"I'm thinking a Priest, but I'm not sure," he admitted. "Do I have to decide now?"

She shook her head. "No, not now. I was just curious, in case there were any special classes you wanted to work in." They finished up the school items in record time when she finally pulled out the last scroll.

"Which one's that?" Ryuuen questioned eagerly.

"This is for housing."

Suddenly, Riyu understood why she was so anxious about everything._ Lord… what are some of the other boys going to do if they have to room with Ryuuen? They'll beat him up or torment him forever for looking like a girl, that's what!! Any stupid teenage male would be more than happy to pick on someone different from them, regardless of being a Seishi or not._ A small spark of anger burned in the middle of her chest. _I'll be damned if I let anyone do that to him!_

"You are living here, aren't you?"

"Yes, as far as I know."

"So you need a room and a roommate," Machi looked at the little slips of paper and names that dotted the map of the dormitories. "Let me see… how abou-"

"He's rooming with me!"

Three sets of eyes turned to Riyu, filled either with astonishment or curiosity. "With you? I thought you couldn't handle a roommate for personal reasons," the Judge frowned slightly.

"Oh that," Riyu babbled and tried to think of a good excuse. "It's just… he's new here and I thought maybe he'd be comfortable with someone that's at least a little familiar." _Sweet Suzaku, what have I gotten myself into??_

However, Machi didn't think too much about how suspicious the offer was and simply looked at Ryuuen. "Would you like to share a room with him?"

His brow furrowed momentarily, most likely due to Machi calling Riyu a 'he', but then he remembered her secret and a light went off in his head. "Oh yes, I would like that a lot," he nodded furiously, then grinned at Riyu. "We seem to get along really well, and have so much in common."

__

I've just adopted another brother- that's what.

Machi had no problem with it. Signing his name next to Riyu's she gave him a quick low-down on the events that take place within the Center and how he should visit Haon-sama just to meet the man. "Wonderful person, really. But seeing as how early in the morning it is, you two best get settled for a long nap and we'll have someone send your things to the room. I'll bet you need some rest, don't you Ryuuen?"

"Oh, you have no idea!" he sighed dramatically. "Just too much excitement for one day! To be a person of such astonishing importance is _soooo_ draining."

Everyone laughed at his jesting, and soon enough the student Seishis bowed to Machi and left her company in good spirits. As the duo made it halfway to their room- t_hat's right, it's _ours_ now_- Ryuuen unexpectedly grabbed her around the waist in a full-fledged bear hug, sending the wind flying out of her lungs.

"Whoa!" Riyu couldn't stop the gasp. "What's this for?"

"Thank you so much for taking care of me," he trilled happily. "Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!" Even Kohana was rubbing against her legs like a happy, way oversized cat.

Riyu had NO idea what to do now. It wasn't like people came up to just _hug_ her on a regular basis or anything. It was a bit disconcerting. _Guess I should return the favor_, she decided quickly, awkwardly putting her own arms around his shoulders. "Listen, Ryuuen, it's not a big deal. I just-"

"I know you're just helping me, but no one's done this for me before," he said, his voice suddenly getting softer. "And no one understands me like you…" '_Joy… gratitude… worry… taking me in… and she didn't want anyone around…'_

Shit, my empathy's running wild again! Riyu could feel the warmth of the character on her forehead like a living pulse._ Oh gods don't let him start to cry- aw hell, he's going to!_ But this time, however, she was prepared to take care of both problems.

"Ryuuen… hey, Ryuuen," Riyu gently brought her hand to his face and tilted his head up. Then, reaching for a skill she didn't think she had, she used every fiber of her talent to _give_ him comfort, rather than just _take_ in all the emotions. "I don't know what happened to you to make you so nervous around people, or to get you that upset when I say stuff, and right now… you don't have your family or anyone else but Kohana here to talk to about those things. So from now on, I'm going to be here for you. I'm not going to leave you or make fun of you- I'll kick the asses of anyone that does!" she managed to get a small chuckle from him. "I'll be here to support you through anything, I'll listen to you, and do whatever I can to make you feel better, OK?"

He sniffed and Riyu noticed his eyes had become a deep rose- the color of the sun rising over the midnight clouds. "Riyu… we're friends, right?"

The question nearly knocked her off her feet with the same power of Ryuuen's tackle. _Wasn't Shi just saying something about that?…_ "Well, I think so. Seeing as how I nearly forced you to live with me, I guess we can call each other friends. If you'll have me, that is."

This time, the squeeze was so strong Riyu was certain a rib or two were going to snap. "Yes! Please! I've never had a really close friend before and I'd love to have you as one!"

__

Ouchouchouchouch… "I'll be your friend on one condition."

"What? What???"

"You're kind of hurting my chest. Can you loosen that grip of yours?"

Ryuuen quickly let go, an apologetic grin plastered on his face. "Sorry," he said sheepishly. "Guess I don't know my own strength."

Riyu was too busy relearning how to breathe and getting rid of the stars in her vision to say anything, but she nodded and tried to motion "I'm fine" as best she could. _Well, at least my empathy died down,_ she winced. _Too busy on my own pain to pay attention to Ryuuen's._

Once she stopped coughing and hacking, Riyu led him through the many, many halls of the inner Center and over to their room. She had no idea if her attempt at projection worked, but he didn't seem any worse for the wear and Riyu figured she shouldn't be questioning a good thing.

"Ready to see the unbelievable mess that is our room?" she teased as they finally reached their dorm.

He totally missed the joke, his face completely centered on the door as if trying with all his might to see through it. Riyu slid the door open and winced slightly at the disorder she had left the room in that morning. She walked in and lit a few of the lanterns with her sparking rods, then motioned for the Seishi pair to enter when she felt there was enough light and a sufficiently cleared path for them to walk.

__

This way they don't kill themselves tripping over my gear. Oh joy… that would really make my morning complete.

Ryuuen entered with an open mouth and simply stood in the center of the room, spinning in a slow circle and looking at every little thing. Kohana had, however, taken to the bed that was apparently _not_ currently occupied by Riyu and plopped down on it. **'Nap-time…'** she yawned, then followed up on her words and was out within minutes.

"So… do you like it?" Riyu asked hopefully. "Decent sized, can become relatively clean…"

"ILOVEIT!!!" the boy shrieked joyfully, making Riyu's eyes widen and Kohana's ears flick irritably. "Oh Suzaku… I never imagined coming here and finding a place to call home. And staying with someone who's just like me… a mirror of my own spirit…" he drifted off.

__

I have a funny feeling I need to keep my mouth shut… Riyu thought as Ryuuen stared at her with quiet eyes. She sat on her own bed and waited to see if he would open to her, knowing that the best thing she could do was listen to his words.

She was duly rewarded for her patience. Ryuuen went through a few moments of internal debate before saying, "I'm not a really talkative person when it comes to my own problems and things that upset me. I just… don't like talking about myself with people until I think I can trust them. Like, _really_ trust them."

"I understand," she said sympathetically. "Kind of like me."

He smiled at her, a faint quirk of his lips. "We're really alike, you know. I mean… we're both Nuriko Seishi and our names sound the same. Even weirder- I'm a boy that looks like a girl and you're a girl that looks like a boy."

"Just luck," Riyu returned his smile. "And extremely odd taste."

But Ryuuen shook his head emphatically. "No, not just luck! I think it's something else! I think we're meant to know each other."

Raising an eyebrow, Riyu asked him why he thought that. The boy took a breath before sitting next to her, and she caught a faint outburst of _'complete trust'_ emanate from him before quelling all parts of her talent. _Can't let myself drown in him this time._

"Remember how I said I had an older brother?" he asked softly. "Well… I also had a little sister…"

Whatever Riyu was expecting, that wasn't it. _Had??? Oh Suzaku no…_

"Her name was Kourin, and she was a year younger than me," he told her as Riyu turned them so they were facing each other. His voice became uneven as he continued his story and suddenly she wasn't so sure she could handle whatever he was going to tell her. "When I was ten… we were running across a street and she was… she was…" the words were caught in his throat.

"Shhhh, it's OK," Riyu murmured, pressing their foreheads together and smoothing his bangs off his face in an attempt to comfort him. "You don't have to say anything, it's all right. It's OK, Ryuuen."

"She was hit by a cart and was killed! She died! And my parents told me to forget about her, but I couldn't!" the tears started running down his cheeks and raining onto their laps. "She was my sister and I loved her so much and I couldn't just make-believe she was never alive. So I took her clothes and I wore them- so no one would forget her, especially not me. _I_ was Kourin, and Kourin was alive again!"

__

No more, oh please no more… Riyu prayed, wrapping her arms around Ryuuen's shoulders and stroking his hair to assuage his pain. His form shook and shivered but he didn't stop talking, and Riyu was grateful that her empathy was under her complete (if somewhat precarious) control now. _If it weren't, I'd be just as broken as he is. Ryuuen, blessed Suzaku, I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry for everything…_

"And for five years… that's who I was. Even when Kohana bonded with me, I was still Kourin and wouldn't change- even for her. It took a year and a half to convince me to be Ryuuen again; that even though Kourin was dead as long as I remembered her she was still with me. I didn't have to be a girl to hold her memory high, that the love I had and still have for her was all she would have wanted. And I believe it! I really do! I don't have to be Kourin to show that I love her!!!" he wept, clinging to Riyu as if she were a lifeline away from the anguish. "But when I tried to be myself, my family wouldn't look at me and the neighbors shunned me as if I was some disgusting creature that their children shouldn't talk to. I _wanted_ to be me again, but no one would stop treating me like that broken little boy-girl I was before. So I had to leave them- I was dying instead of coming to life. And gods it hurts so much to be judged like that- I hate it! I hate it!!!"

"I hate it too," Riyu whispered to him, not trusting her voice to speak louder. "I hated it when I would beat up the neighborhood bullies picking on the little kids, and then get yelled at by the women of the village because it wasn't ladylike. I hated it when I would help someone during my travels and they would turn around and say cruel things to me because I didn't fit their image of a proper girl. And I hate having to lie to the people here, knowing that this secret I keep will always be a barrier between me and the rest of the Seishi I could get to know."

She refused to give into the painful memories welled up inside, refused to allow anything like weakness to overflow. "But I never stopped being me. Even when I was so tired of fighting the rest of the world that all I wanted to do was give up… I kept true to myself. I may have cut my hair, lowered my voice, and did everything I could to make sure I was as much of a boy as anyone else in this hall, but underneath it all I've always been Riyu," she found her strength and spoke with undeniable resolve. Riyu lifted her head and brought his up with her fingers so they could look into each other's eyes. "So if you want to be a boy again, then be yourself and the rest of the world be dammed! If no one else likes it, it doesn't matter because it's _who_ _you_ _are_. And never… _never_ let anyone take that sense of self from you, Ryuuen. Not me, not Kohana, not anyone! Do you understand?"

Ryuuen's eyes may have been red and puffy from tears, but they shone bold and true as they looked at her and he said, "Yeah… I do."

And in a blaze of Suzaku-born glory, the twin symbols of _yanagi_ the willow flared to life with all the passion of two kindred souls finding one another. This time when Ryuuen cried into Riyu's chest, they stemmed from his eternal relief at having put Kourin to a peaceful rest and at having his gut-wrenching fears taken away.

And the few tears Riyu allowed to come out…

__

For Ryuuen, that he can be the man I know he's going to be. And maybe… maybe a little for me too…

Sometime later, when both had dried their eyes and controlled their intense emotions, Ryuuen hiccuped and said, "Just luck, huh? You've got a funny sense of _luck_."

Riyu couldn't help it- she let loose a howl of laughter and felt Ryuuen happily join in with her. "Sweet Suzaku, Ryuuen, you are a character, you know that?"

"Takes one to know one!"

"Oh yeah?!"

"Yeah!"

"Well take _this_, little boy!" Riyu tossed her pillow at him.

Ryuuen caught it easily and tackled her with it. "Gotcha!" he tried to pin her down. "Give up?"

"Never!"

"Oh you will, just wait and see!"

The duo wrestled and played around until they were out of breath and lying on the floor of their room, tangled up in blankets and extraneous robes. Riyu had one leg still on the bed and the other one pinning Ryuuen's waist to the floor, but his arms held her chest securely tied down. _Crap, I forgot the boy's got that super-strength thing going for him…_ she thought amusedly. _Oh well, live and learn._ "Hey, Ryuuen…"

"Mm?"

"Thanks for trusting me the way you did."

"Thanks for understanding me and giving me your shoulder."

She tilted her head up to look at him. "Then thanks for understanding _me_." 

He grinned, a broad smile of satisfaction. "You realize we could be passing 'thanks' back and forth all morning?"

"Hmmm… probably."

"Let's just say we're both eternally grateful for everything and leave it at that."

"I can do that."

"Cool. Me too."

Pushing herself into a sitting position (or as close to one as she could get) Riyu decided she needed some rest. Telling Ryuuen this, he agreed whole-heartedly. However, he did make an interesting request.

"Would you mind if I shared your bed? Kohana's kinda got mine and I just want to sleep…"

To anyone else, Riyu would have laughed and told him to sleep on the floor. To Ryuuen, she hesitated a second before thinking, _oh for the- you moron, it's perfectly all right! He's a good boy, and you _know_ what he's feeling and it's not _that_._

"Sure, OK, why not? Let someone come in and see us sleeping together," she sighed as Ryuuen whooped with glee and jumped into it. "You're such a nut."

"So I've been told."

Grabbing a pillow and the rumpled blankets, she tossed them on the bed and climbed up. "Hope you don't snore."

"Nah, just drool excessively. And talk in my sleep."

"You know, maybe I should make you sleep with your panda."

"She kicks."

"Too bad."

He stuck his tongue out at her and she turned on her left side, ignoring the taunt. "G'night… er, good _morning_, Ryuuen."

"Good morning, Ri-chan."

__

Ri-chan??? Good gods, I may have to hurt him for that! The threat poised on her lips died away as she yawned widely. _Ah, I'll threaten him when I wake up,_ she gave up, closing her eyes.

She was on the verge of dozing off when she felt Ryuuen's arm gently lay across her waist in a very brotherly way. Reaching out with her empathy, Riyu felt nothing but sleep and a few tendrils of security, trust, and love wrapped around his essence.

Smiling, she allowed herself to bask in his emotions before laying her own hand over his and falling asleep.


End file.
